I remember the day about a month leading up to the wedding when Mike came home from work and informed me that he was not looking forward to my “Postpardum Wedding Depression.” The timing of this statement was not so good (as most men’s timing is). Those that know me well, know that if there is still time on the clock, there is still more to do. I was fully invested in the final details of our event, the gifts, the decorations, the coordinating outfits, and handing off all of those details (something very difficult for this perfectionist to do) to our incredible kick ass wedding coordinating team. I looked at him and said “Are you insane?! I can’t wait for all this craziness to be over! Post-wedding is going to be nothing but joy and relaxation.” He laughed, as he knows me well and he knows that I am not Brittany Quick (now Newman) if I am not going 500 miles an hour in 7 different directions.
The wedding came, the wedding was over (way too quickly I must add), and we were married. Sitting in a cabin, in the middle of Phillipsburg, Montana on January 2nd staring at each other like… “what now?”
Engagements tend to fly in and take over your life with nothing but talk of wedding reception parties, color schemes and DJ playlists. You wake up every day with a weight on your shoulders, thoughts of to-do lists and what else you could possibly be missing. We worked very hard to have date nights with “no wedding talk,” read books about marriage and I’m pretty sure Mike even threw the “Let’s buy a house!” wrench in the middle of our engagement just so we had something else to talk about every once in a while- which worked! Ha.
Why is it that we put so much thought and stress into this ultimate life event as if our world is coming to an end? (Yes, I recognize the humor in that statement.) It’s a big day! One of the biggest in your life that you will remember forever. Probably one of the only days in your life where you will have all of your closest friends and family in one room partying and celebrating together. So there’s something about it that makes it all happen in a blur and then realizing it’s over that just makes you, well, a little bummed out! NOW let me go back and correct Mike’s original statement of the Postpartum Wedding Depression being because I miss all the PLANNING of the event… my goodness no! I am obsessed with wedding and event planning but I take enjoyment in making other people’s dreams come true, not doing it all on my own. So where does the slight depression come from? Missing all my family and friends! Do you have any idea how much of a tease it is to get all the people you love together for the weekend of a lifetime, knowing it will never happen again? I wish every New Year’s Eve was one big party with all those people. What a monumentally magical day it was! Nevertheless, the inevitable had to happen and the realization was made.
So for all you future brides out there, I give you my best advice on how to deal with your “Post Wedding Blues.”
1.Give yourself something else to look forward to.
After devoting your life to planning a memorable wedding weekend, it can be difficult to go back to the same day to day schedule that you had prior to the engagement. So, what is it that you can commit your extra time to now? Is there a hobby you’ve always had an interest in, a certification or specific form of education you have always wanted to take, or a volunteer group you’ve thought about joining?
I have been thinking about starting my own wedding and event planning business for a long time now. To be honest, it has been a dream of mine for a long time. The moment we got engaged, I pushed it to the back burned knowing I would want to fully invest myself in the wedding planning process prior to helping brides with their own. I also knew that going through it myself would help me relate to the silly stresses of others. So the moment we were married I went straight to the drawing board on the vision and feel for Soiree Ninety Nine Event Design. The last few months have been filled with working nights and weekends and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. I have also signed up for a Barre Instructor Certification, something that has been on my mind for the past 2 years. It has been so great having Mike’s support and in particular him pushing me to go after the dreams I have been talking about for far too long.
2. Delay your Honeymoon.
When we first got engaged, Mike and I discussed delaying our honeymoon due to our trip to Europe we had already planned that would be happening earlier in the year. The more we talked about it, the better of an idea it became. We were both set on taking off a few weeks from work in order to take in the full wedding experience, but we also wanted to be able to have a long honeymoon. In addition to that, we assumed that after putting all of this work into the wedding celebration we would be exhausted once it was over and want to do nothing but sleep.
Boy were we right. Instead of hopping on a plane to vacation somewhere exotic, we booked a cabin in the middle of nowhere a few hours from home and did nothing but drink beer, eat BBQ, watch Netflix and take naps. A LOT of naps. We did have plans of cross country skiing, but Mother Nature decided to make it negative 12 degrees outside so that wasn’t happening. We were happy to have the cold considering we were given the perfect weather for our wedding day. 🙂 We pushed our honeymoon to September of this year and wanted it to be as close to our 1 year anniversary as possible. We now how something to look forward to all year and can celebrate our 9 months of marriage on a safari in Africa. AFRICA!!! We are so stoked.
3. Look back at the documentation of the Big Day and re-live it.
We received a sneak peak of our wedding photos from our photographers about a week after the wedding itself, but it wasn’t until just recently that we received the rest of the images as well as our video trailer. While the wait seemed unbearable, we were so glad to have it! Watching the video trailer brought tears to our eyes and looking through the nearly 800 images truly brought us back to each and every moment of our wedding day. We will also get the full video including our ceremony and all of the speeches in the next month or two. Spreading out the documentation of the day has made it that much better to look back on. I am SO glad that we decided to go through with the videography. While we love the pictures, there is something about all the feelings rushing back when you watch the video and can remember those specific moments in time.
A link to our trailer video can be found here.
I will also be writing a blog post as a look back on all the memorable moments from our wedding day soon.
4. Shift your perspective to focus on the little things.
Prior to our wedding day, I spent every free moment attending vendor appointments, ordering decorations or putting together timelines. You have no idea have refreshing it is to now use those moments to do something for me. I am attending work out classes because I enjoy them, not because I am focused on fitting in my wedding dress. I am reading books for pleasure instead scanning Pinterest 24/7, I am shopping just to shop, and I’m having date nights with my Husband to talk about life instead of wedding details. I still remember the weekend after we got back home, cleaned our house and got reorganized. We went to a local brewery where live music was playing, hung out and soaked in the music without saying much of a word. It has been so great to get back into our routines and feel normal again.
5. Re-connect with your spouse and enjoy this new phase in your life.
My favorite moments in the past few months have been talking about anything but our wedding day. While being engaged was a whirlwind and Mike truly “swept me off my feet” with the entire experience from the mountain top engagement down to the ridiculously perfect vows on our wedding day, it’s the moments spending time together since then that have meant the most. So many people ask us if things feel different now, and I joke with them that if they did… that probably wouldn’t be a good thing. Mike and I talked about getting married for years before we actually did, so the event itself was just the cherry on top of our already incredibly strong friendship full of love and laughter. Calling him my husband feels so much more natural than I ever thought it would, and I am soaking up every moment we are spending together whether it’s going on a hike with our crazy border collie or having drinks at our favorite brewery near our new home. While I am sad that the wedding day is over and we will not be living it again, I am beyond excited for this next chapter and the adventures we will face together.
“You are my today and all of my tomorrows.” – Leo Christopher