It’s always fun to get the wedding planning perspective from the groom. Lately I feel as if newly engaged couples are all around me, and I always look to the male first and ask how it’s going (because I know the bride to be is glowing and loving that initial envisioning of the process.) My favorite recent quotes I’ve heard from Hubbys to be are:
“It’s great! I just tell her to do everything.”
“I just got done proposing to her, I totally forgot that step comes with planning a wedding.”
and one of my favorites…
“I wasn’t a fan of her color choices. Why can’t we do green instead?”
My response to most of these sweet, naive and innocent remarks is…
I’ve been working on getting my fiance to write a guest post on here for awhile now, and I promise you all it will happen eventually. Until then, I thought I would break down his proud advice to fellow dudes that are newly engaged the best way I possible can… and that advice comes in 3 parts: Stage 1. Stage 2. Stage 3.
The reasoning behind these 3 stages comes from men not knowing the importance (or even the existence) of a lot of the happenings at a wedding or a wedding reception. By implementing the 3 stages, you are accepting the fact that you are not going to be able to bring up an item on your checklist and expect an answer or an opinion right at that moment. Ladies, it’s important to remember that most of us have been programmed to dream about our wedding and all the little details for years. Men don’t start thinking about a wedding until they find the women they actually want to marry… and even then they are thinking about the fact that they want to marry YOU, not all the details that come along with it. So with that, I give you…
Stage 1. The facts.
What is the importance behind this item on the checklist? Why do we need to have it at our wedding? What input do you want from your groom/do you want ANY?
Example A: “We need to decide on a first dance song. This is the first song that we will dance to as husband and wife, so I want it to resemble us! Any ideas?”
Answers I do not suggest… “short.” “that happens at other weddings?” “can we just find something on the internet?”
Stage 2. Revisit the topic.
After some time has passed, bring it up again. At this point your groom has had some time to think about this (or not) and they understand that a decision has to be made. This is a good time for brainstorming for the both of you and to toss some ideas around. This is also a good time to find out how strongly your groom cares about the final decision. Depending on the guy, they will care more about certain things than others.
Revisiting the first dance topic would be listening to each other’s suggestions or maybe pulling up a first dance playlist on Pandora or Spotify to spark some ideas.
Stage 3. Make a decision.
This is usually the time that I have either given Mike the responsibility on making the decision or he has expressed that he is fine with whatever I decide and I make the decision on my own. You revisit the topic one last time by saying “I decided to go with song xyz,” or ask your groom what decision he made, and then check it off the list and decide to not revisit the topic again.
There are so many decisions and things to coordinate for your wedding day that if you continue to revisit topics after they have been “closed” then you will make yourself crazy. Again I come back to the reminder that everything will work out great and the tiny details of your day will only be noticed by you. So make your decisions and move on. The last thing you want to do is overwhelm your fiance with multiple decisions at one time, if you haven’t already. 🙂